Ok, for the last 10 years, I was having trouble finding myself. Ten years ago was when my father passed away. I felt many things all at once, and it's impossible to explain to someone who hasn't been through a loss like this. I grew up faster than any of the kids I knew at the time. I felt it was my duty to do so. I was estranged from my mother because I was afraid of her. To my young mind, she wasn't the same person. I wasn't sure she really was my mother anymore. I also became very violent. I took out my anger on everyone and everything I could. I didn't talk to anyone without yelling or using my fists. I put a wall around my entire self and let no one in. I put up this tough exterior, but on the inside, I was breaking. The easiest way to to explain it would be to say I was a combination of Haru and Kyo from Furuba, if you know of that. Then, a little over three years ago, I finally broke completely. I won't get into too many details on here, but I lost the most important thing in my life. I'd known him all my life and he was my constant after my father died. I could always rely on him to be there through everything that went to Hell after that had happened. With him dead, I went through every stage of grief you can imagine all at once. I cried myself to sleep that night, first out of mourning, then in anger. When I woke the next morning, I was mute. Not from crying, but by sheer will. I was a shell. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wanted to die. I even went so far as attempted suicide. Obviously, I didn't go through with it, but I was close. I didn't speak at all. I didn't eat, nothing. I was simpley, a body. My soul wasn't really there for a while. In the course of the two weeks that followed his death, I lost several pounds, flesh and the will to live. I gained a bloody razor blade, bloody cuts on my legs and arms and now, scars that will never fully heal because of how deep I cut. At the end of that two weeks, I gained an outlet. A movie that my friends took me to in a last effort to bring my back from the dead, if you will. It was the live action version of Peter Pan, and it allowed me to cry, yell and feel again. I slowly began eating and speaking again, while gradually losing the will to cut myself. But that event forever changed me. I haven't been the same person since it happened. But last year, in October, I met my best friend Chloe, and she helped me to start to find myself again. She then introduced me into a group of people who are all amazing; Aurora, Shawna, Rianna, Rachel, Lindsey, Lennon, Ana and Xochitl. They know me, and don't judge me for anything I am. She even introduced me to a great guy, who happens to be my boyfriend now, Adam. If it weren't for this group of incredible people, I would never have discovered myself again. Thank you, to all of you. I love you all!!!